Chocolate Pudding

I apparently have an insatiable need for chocolate in my life. I mean, I must, what with the way I keep finding ways around the Paleo/Primal restrictions to have my beautiful, delicious, silky chocolate. So here’s another chocolate recipe. Chocolate pudding. I was never a fan of the pre-packaged stuff, or even the mix you made with milk. My mom would make those, and they were OK.. they fed my need for sugar back when my body still wanted it all the time. But they never quite tasted like chocolate. Even then, I could taste chemicals. I’m having a very hormonal time in my life right now. Everything’s changing and I’m going absolutely nuts. So I made Alex get me some of those Andes creme de menthe things. And I’ll admit, they’re damn good. Alex HATES chocolate, and he stole several. I ran out, obviously, because that’s what happens when you give this girl chocolate, especially Andes. And Brookside’s “fruit” chocolates. But anyway. Today I was at a loss. I needed chocolate very, very badly. I also wanted some nice, hot, buttered bread. That clearly was not going to happen.

Enter Google. I needed to know what chocolatey goodness I could make with cocoa powder and honey. I found this recipe and said Oh. No. This is happening. And I got to work. I modified it – took out the coffee and the vanilla, changed the salt a bit, and used honey rather than maple syrup.

1 can full fat coconut milk
1/2 cup unsweetened, unprocessed cocoa powder
1/2 cup unfiltered, uncooked honey
few light shakes sea salt

1. Shake the coconut milk really well, and then dump it into a medium saucepan. I used a small one, because I’m a rebel and digging around in the mess in this torn up house was just not happening. It worked fine, if a little bit of a tight fit. Whateva.
2. Add the cocoa powder. I whisked in 1/4 cup and then 1/4 cup again, rather than half all at once. It worked good that way.
3. Add the honey, and whisk again. Then shake some salt and whisk again.
4. At this point, go ahead and turn your stove on to about 6. Watch the pudding mix like a hawk! I am fully convinced that milk mixes like this wait to boil until you turn your back so you have to clean up a mess. I swear it’s a conspiracy or something. Or maybe it’s just me. That’s entirely possible also.
5. Once the milky mix boils, turn the heat down and simmer for 15 minutes. Milky mixes don’t exactly boil. They foam. So like I said, watch it like a hawk, because you won’t hear bubbly sounds to alert you.
6. While simmering for 15 minutes, keep an eye on it and whisk it frequently. You want air moving through it and you want it to thicken slightly.
7. When the 15 minutes are up remove the pan from the heat. Cool the mixture to room temperature, whisking occasionally to cool it evenly. Try not to eat it yet. really, try. I promise, though it’s fabulous now, It’s super fabulous after it’s been chilled.
8. Once it’s at room temperature, transfer it to an airtight container and chill in the fridge before eating. And by chill in the fridge I mean at least an hour.

Don’t be like me, sneaking into the fridge under the pretense of grabbing some kefir and “testing” the pudding. Don’t. Be. Like. Me. OK? That’s bad. Very bad.


And I promise, in my next post I’ll do something without chocolate.


Homemade Yogurt

This is a recipe I found online. I wasn’t even looking for it. I happened onto the blog to read about how this lovely lady cooks a whole chicken in the crock pot, something I had never considered, but think I will try since I H.A.T.E. cleaning the roasting pan and rack. HATE IT. So I was looking at that recipe when I noticed all sorts of goodies in the sidebar. This was one of them. I didn’t change anything. It’s just too awesome and foolproof to not post though! Original recipe here.

The best part about this recipe for me is that it’s done in the crock pot. This means minimal supervision, so I can actually get other things done, like cleaning and cooking Pinteresting and reading. The times were quite a bit different for me, though, as I will explain after giving you the recipe.

Easy Homemade Yogurt in the Crock Pot
Prep Time: 10 minutes
Cook Time: 2 hours
Total Time: 24 hours
Yield: 2 Quarts

½ gallon whole milk
½ cup plain yogurt with live and active cultures

Crock Pot
Candy Thermometer
Beach Towel
Mason Jars
Colander (optional)
Cheesecloth (optional)

1. Pour 1/2 gallon of milk into your crock pot, set it to high, and heat the milk to 180°. My crock pot has a probe that will alert me when it reaches the set temp, but you can just check it occasionally with a candy thermometer. It takes approximately 2 hours.
2. Turn off crock pot, remove lid, and let the milk cool down to 115°. Do not disturb. This takes approximately 6 hours (varies widely depending on the temperature in your house).
3. Once the yogurt has cooled down to 115°, stir in ½ cup of plain yogurt. The temperature cannot be above 120° or it will kill the cultures in the yogurt.
4. Put the lid back on, make sure the crock pot is turned off and unplugged, and wrap the entire crock pot in a large beach towel. Leave out overnight, undisturbed.
5. The next morning, remove the towel and transfer the crock pot to the refrigerator, do not disturb the yogurt. Chill for about 8 hours.
6. Optional Step: If your yogurt isn’t thick enough for your preference, strain off some of the whey. Line a colander with a cheesecloth and set in the sink or in a large bowl. Pour the yogurt into the cheesecloth, cover, and let it strain until it reaches your preferred consistency.
7. Ladle the yogurt into mason jars and store in the refrigerator.

Don’t forget to save ½ cup of the yogurt to use as your starter next time!

My crock pot must be very different from hers, because my milk heated to 187 degrees in under two hours, and then in less than one was already cooled to 124 degrees. So by 3:30pm my crock pot was already wrapped up in towels. I stayed up late (till about 12:15-12:30) to give it about eight solid hours wrapped in the towels, and then stuck it in the fridge. I then proceeded to sleep terribly since I didn’t go to bed at 10 with Alex. Here we are, a couple of childless 20-somethings, and we go to bed at 10pm. We are such dorks. Anyway. I didn’t need to strain the yogurt at all – it was so, so beautifully thick!

This was my first ever attempt at making yogurt, and I declare it a smashing success!

Regular store-bought yogurt lasts around a month, and I’m assuming this will too. I’m not positive, though, so I may give one quart to Alex’s mom or step mom and just save one for us since we don’t use that much. Hm.

Next up is trying the homemade ranch dressing from this blog using the yogurt!

Chocolate Mint Fudge

This fudge is similar in concept to my Blender Fudge, but I didn’t make it in a blender and it had two parts. I honestly think this one came out better.

one stick salted sweet cream butter
1/4 cup unfiltered honey
unsweetened, unprocessed cocoa to taste
2-3 tablespoons virgin expeller pressed coconut oil
1 tablespoon honey
few drops mint extract

1. Place butter in a large glass mixing bowl. Cut into several slices. Add 1/4 cup honey.
2. Let sit until butter is softened to room temperature.
3. Mix by hand with a fork until the honey creams the butter.
4. Add cocoa powder. Mix by hand with fork again, until completely mixed. This will take a few minutes. Set aside.
5. In a smaller bowl, add the coconut oil, 1 tablespoon honey, and the mint extract. Mix, then pour into fudge mixture.
6. Mix well, until all fudge looks the same – no shiny, wet looking parts remain.
7. Line a loaf pain with plastic wrap, leaving enough extra to fold over the fudge.
8. Dump the fudge into the pan. Fold the plastic over the fudge loosely and gently press down until you reach the desired shape and thickness.
9. Gently secure plastic wrap and pop the loaf pan into the freezer for about 20 minutes. Remove from freezer, and take the plastic wrapped fudge and store in the fridge.

This fudge is far less runny than the blender fudge, which I like. It was more ‘whipped’ in the bowl, and definitely has a nice texture to it when hardened. Enjoy!

Cereal!… Kind Of…

Alex and I can’t eat regular cereal. And honestly, who would want to? It was a staple of my youth, but I feel sick every time I think about it now. I can’t even walk down the cereal aisle in the store. God, that aisle stinks. As does the bread aisle. And the baking aisle. And really, just about every aisle. Our shopping is pretty much limited to the perimeter of the store. You know, where all the fresh options are. Anyhow, cereal. I missed cereal. Very, very badly. So much that I would convince Alex to get the gluten free non-GMO cereals, and they would still make me sick. Just because it’s gluten free or non-GMO doesn’t mean it’s healthy or good for you! Flaky cereals have pretty much no real nutritional value. Mine, however, mine does.

The only issue with this cereal is if you’re a migraine sufferer like me. If you are, be careful how much of this you eat! I ate it every day, sometimes twice a day, for about a week and a half, and got a terrible migraine that lasted about five days. Alex is the one who figured out it was the cereal. I hopped onto the internet and sure enough, nuts are on the common triggers list. So just be careful! I really don’t want to be the cause, however indirectly, of someone’s pain.

whole natural almonds
shelled walnuts
unfiltered honey
virgin expeller pressed coconut oil
cinnamon and nutmeg OR pumpkin pie spice OR apple pie spice

1.Preheat the oven to 300. In a large glass mixing bowl (or whatever material, I’m just really partial to glass) place several tablespoons of coconut oil. Use your judgment here. If you want more clustery cereal, use a bit more oil. Less clusters means less oil. I have got to get a camera so I can start posting method pictures.
2. Add the honey on top of the coconut oil. Add however much you think you’ll need for sweetness. If it’s any help, my cereal usually comes out tasting like a much better version of Honey Bunches of Oats.
3. Add your choice of spices. If adding cinnamon and nutmeg, I’d do less nutmeg than cinnamon, as nutmeg has a strong flavor.
4. In a food processor, add the desired amount of almonds. Process until they are chopped very fine. Dump into the bowl. Do the same for the walnuts.
5. Mix the contents of the bowl together. Be patient. It’ll take a few minutes for all the nuts to be covered. At this time, judge by either smell or flavor and decide if you need more spices or honey. Sometimes I add another teaspoon or two of oil, depending on my mood.
6. Spread the nuts in a thin layer on foiled baking sheets. Bake for seven minutes.
7. Remove from the oven, mix together and make a thin layer again. Return to the oven for an additional seven minutes.
8. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Store in a glass jar in the fridge.

To serve, have a regular bowl of cereal with some milk, mix it into some yogurt, or pour kefir on top. I have it with milk, Alex does kefir and yogurt. You can also add dried fruit to it. I’m on the lookout for a decently healthy and decently priced supply of dried blueberries to add. My favorite cereal was Blueberry Morning, and this would be pretty similar, minus the flakes.

Yay! We can eat cereal again!!!

Peanut Butter Cups – Semi-Paleo-Wannabe deliciousness

So this week I was hit with a random peanut butter cup craving. OK, I lie. Not that random, but random enough. Since going Paleo/Primal I’ve had some issues cutting out certain “foods”. Peanut butter just so happens to be one of them. I mean, I know peanuts are a legume and have cancer causing agents in them and all kinds of scariness that I don’t even want to get into, but I mean… it’s peanut butter. Peanut. Butter. So anyhow, I knew Reese’s were out of the question, and the last time I had those Alex and I both declared them awful, just awful. I searched the trusty Google, and sure enough, ten bajillion hits. I clicked on some, and then ultimately selected this recipe (after reading more of her blog and drooling all over the computer). So here is the recipe, in its unaltered form. Because it is just sheer gloriousness, and I found no need to change it up. Original recipe here.

1 cup virgin expeller pressed coconut oil
1/2 cup raw honey (yeah, I just used unfiltered… )
3/4 cup unsweetened, unprocessed cocoa powder
peanut butter

1. Plop the coconut oil into a glass mixing bowl. If it’s a little hard, go ahead and stir it up some. If it’s all runny and clear, stick it in the fridge a bit.
2. Add the honey and mix it up really well.
3. Add the cocoa, and mix until there are no more pockets of dry cocoa.
4. Put about a teaspoon (I just used a spoon) of the chocolate mix in your mini muffin cups.*
5. Add some peanut butter on top of that.
6. Freeze. Eat. Die and go to chocolatey coconutty peanut buttery heaven.

*If you’re like me, you don’t have mini muffin cups on hand. I can’t eat muffins, and I wouldn’t want the treat-making temptation around all the time. Although that apparently doesn’t stop me when I do want to make treats. I got out my olive oil bottle and pressed foil on the cap. It worked. Gave me a ‘muffin cup’. All in all I had over 60 treats. Alex went to use the freezer and was… not pleased to find a baking sheet covered in little foil-wrapped treats taking up an entire shelf. Too bad?

Store these in the freezer! The coconut oil WILL melt.

And go read that blog. She has some just awesome stuff on there. Finally! A mother who isn’t afraid to give her child chunks of butter to snack on!!! That’s exactly what I would do if I had kids! Anyhow. I should run. Got some treats to eat.

Acceptable treat consumption times:
-whenever you feel like it because they’re healthy aside from the peanut butter

Scrambled Eggs

OK, everyone has their own way of making this. But I really like mine. They’re delicious and full of good, healthy fats and protein. Can’t go wrong with this delicious breakfast!

It seems slightly complicated, but it’s really fast. And the great thing about scrambled eggs is you can take them on the go.

5 or 6 extra large eggs
two tablespoons salted sweet cream butter
two tablespoons heavy cream

1. Separate the whites from the yolks. Throw the whites away. Place the yolks in a bowl.
2. Put the butter in a skillet to melt on about 4.
3. While the butter is melting, add the heavy cream to the yolks and mix it all together very well.
4. Pour the yolk mix into the skillet.
5. Let it sit for a minute. It should look like you’re making an omelet, and it should more or less be covered by the butter. Once the sides start bubbling, gently shake the pan back and forth. The egg should easily follow the pan’s movements.
6. Start flipping and chopping the egg. You want the pieces slightly small-ish so that as much butter as possible can be soaked up. You don’t want to waste all that good butter.
7. Cook the eggs until the majority of the butter is soaked in. Dump the eggs and butter sauce onto a plate.
8. Consume and try not to die and go to egg heaven.

Paleo Fat Bread

Alex and I have been looking for bread for quite some time. As mentioned before, we eat no wheat, no grains, no refined sugars, etc. So we really weren’t sure what to do. We tried flourless “crepes”, but there were really just glorified omelets. Might as well have just made scrambled eggs, since it was the same ingredients I use for that anyway (egg yolks, heavy cream, salted sweet cream butter). Alex found this recipe and we decided to try it. It’s really simple. We changed it only slightly, and only because we didn’t have/couldn’t find everything we needed and didn’t want to order large quantities of stuff online without first knowing what this bread would be like. And, amazingly enough, it’s good, and it really is… bread.

Original Recipe:
five eggs
one cup raw macadamia nuts
one cup coconut butter
.5 tsp sea salt
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 rounded tsp baking soda

Our Recipe:
five eggs
one cup dry roasted macadamia pieces
nearly one cup creamed coconut
.5 tsp sea salt
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 rounded tsp baking soda

1. Preheat your oven to 350. Dump the macadamia nuts into a food processor/blender. Process on high, or if you have a pulse blender just hold it down so it runs continuously. Continue processing until the macadamias are chopped fine, starting to cake/clump.
2. Add one egg to the blender, and process until the machine begins running smoothly. You will be able to hear the difference.
3. Add the second egg, and repeat until the machine runs smoothly.
4. Add the remaining three eggs and process a bit more. Everything should be very smooth.
5. Add creamed coconut/coconut butter and sea salt. Mix 20 seconds.
6. Add lemon juice and baking soda, mix a few seconds more.
7. Pour into a prepared loaf pan. Toss the pan into the oven for 35 minutes.
8. Dry not to drool all over the stove/floor while you watch it bake.
9. Let sit 30 minutes on a cooling rack before cutting it. Do NOT attack it as soon as it comes out of the oven like Alex did.

If you’re used to regular bread, you probably won’t like it. Get un-used to regular bread because it’s just going to kill you anyway, and get used to this one, because it’s awesome. Makes some fabulous toast. Put a healthy amount of salted sweet cream butter on it when it comes out of the toaster oven, and there you have breakfast. This bread is pretty much nothing but protein and fat, so it is very healthy and very filling.

It’s also really good dipped in chili.

Now, for the things we will change when we make it again. Or, when I make it again. Whatever. We will use raw macadamia nuts. The dry roasted taste funky and impart an odd flavor to the finished bread. We will probably keep using the creamed coconut, but may use unsweetened coconut flakes. To use those, you just add the coconut flakes (make absolutely certain they are unsweetened… you will probably have to buy them off Amazon) in with the macadamias before you start processing, then add the first egg, the second egg, and do every egg separately, at least through the third. This is a tip directly from the creator of this bread. Use a cup and a bit of coconut flakes.

And enjoy!! This bread is non-addictive, not at all like the addictive crap they pass off as bread in stores… or that uses real flour or grains. And this bread won’t let you overeat. You get FULL. Do not let your children eat a nice, thick slice of this fifteen minutes before you serve dinner or they will not eat their dinner. But, by all means, do allow your children to eat this bread. It’s delicious and it’s very good for them.